Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Stuck. Or, Real Life Issues Spill into my Knitting Blog Once Again.

So, I've been trying to ignore it, but... when I got home tonight (well, last night, if we're being completely honest), Dad and I got into a huge fight. About what, you ask? About me walking in the door crying because of the whole Mom situation, and asking Dad for a hug.


He said I'm wasting my brain by knitting all the time, which is bullshit -- I'm wasting my brain by taking care of his wife, for fuck's sake, and because he asked me to do it!

Then? He denied ever asking me to move home and take care of Mom. Flat-out denied it. And, I mean, I have such a sharp memory of the conversation in which he asked me to move home that I can hear it, word for word, in my head.

But no, Dad's version of events = Summers couldn't keep a functional relationship with her fiance. Fiance dumped Summers. Summers moved home. Summers moved to San Francisco. Summers was then, somehow, "in trouble" -- I never got what *that* meant out of him -- in San Francisco. So, Father took pity upon Summers and allowed her to come home and take care of her invalid mother.

At the end of it, I just sort of sat, in shock, with not a single clue about how to get out of this situation, now or in the future. Not in any permanent way, I mean. Obviously I could steal the car and drive somewhere, or use my savings to fly to Australia or England, but the one really useful thing James taught me is that you can't rely on other people -- you have to get out of the really big problems on your own, because nobody can fix you except you.

After the shock wore off, I wrote emails (which probably sound manic because I didn't want anyone to realize I wasn't doing very well emotionally), spent an hour re-typing the knitting-group contact list, just so I 'd have something to concentrate on, and then after Dad went to bed I cleaned the kitchen.

Maybe I'll knit now.

[ Edit: Well one good thing about today -- most of my errands are done, and it's only quarter past 6 in the morning. Have cleaned the kitchen, made and packed up Dad's lunch, fed, bathed, and medicated Mom, and done one load of laundry. ]


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